Whilst walking into the office today, I witnessed one of my pet hates. Something that annoyed me to the point of wanting to cause bodily harm to myself. A man was walking along the sidewalk, one hand free and one hand holding his cell phone, talking on one of those Bluetooth headsets. You know, the one you think makes you look like a super cool secret agent, but actually makes you look like a complete douche? He was throwing numbers around and sounding all “businessy”. Look, I’m aware that this is an irrational reaction to someone’s behaviour, a person I have never met but for some reason, it evokes a reaction from me.
This got me thinking about some of my other pet hates. They say (who “they” are, I do not know) that talking about things that bother you is therapeutic, so I’m going to talk to you, The Social Dynamic faithful, about it. Please bear with me.
Walking slowly in the middle of a staircase
This is purely selfish. I’m all for you walking at your own pace and all that – that’s not the problem. The problem is when people are walking at a snail’s pace in the middle of the staircase. I can’t get past on either side of them so I end up having to either ask them to move or just wait it out. I’m very non-confrontational, so I usually choose the latter, more excruciating option complete with a massive sigh. 99% of the time I find that this happens when I am in a rush. Otherwise, what’s the point, right?
Slow internet connection
This one I blame on technology. I grew up in the age of dial-up. That was a time where you could use your land line OR go on the internet, never both. Technically, I don’t really have any reason to complain. As I grew older, though, the slow internet was supposed to be a thing of the past, so when I encounter a slow internet connection it takes a lot of willpower to not bash the screen of my laptop. This was my experience just yesterday. The connection was running at 0.22mbps. Needless to say, my blood was boiling and I had to do so much self-talking just to not throw my laptop on the floor. “It’s not the laptop’s fault…”
Text message speech in emails, even text
In my opinion, you should never abbreviate words in an email, ever. As far as texting is concerned, shorthand was great when we had Nokia 3310s, SMSes cost 70 cents each and we only had 160 characters to get our point across. Things changed, though, and popular messaging platforms eliminated those restrictions. Smartphones now have this thing called “auto-correct” that basically types for you, with a slight prompt from you. It types full words too, which means that it is taking you more time to over-ride the auto-correct in order to abbreviate words that have no business being abbreviated. Again, I remind you, you have no text limit. The messages are virtually free too. By the way, why is “abbreviate” such a long word? I digress. AnD tHeN TheRe ArE thOsE oF yOu wHo TyPE liKE ThiS. F*** you. My eyes hate you.
This is one of my weirder pet hates, so I will be brief. If you take a laxative, you go to the toilet to sh**. You do not go running and jumping in wheat fields! Or am I just doing it wrong?
Talking to someone while they are texting
One thing I like to do when talking to the top of someone’s head while they are texting is to insult them in the same tone of voice that I was using during the conversation. Inevitably, they won’t hear it and look up saying: “Sorry, I just had to answer this text, what did you say?” at which point I make up something nice to say.
People’s obsession with “celebrities”
Every day I realise messed up our generation when I see social media posts about a singer’s break-up with her boyfriend or an actor that changed his hairstyle. We worship celebrities to the point where we want to know what they are doing on a daily, even hourly, basis. Essentially we are living vicariously through other people who don’t even know we exist. Is our quality of life really that bad?
Whew, that really was therapeutic! Thank you for staying to the end of my rant. Clearly, these are irrational thoughts and pet hates that affect me personally. Perhaps it won’t affect me as much now that I’ve had a rant about it!